You want to seduce... but have you looked at your own profile?

You’re looking to make connections. You explain that nobody replies to you. That women are too demanding. That couples never follow up. That men don’t know how to talk. That “people here take themselves too seriously”. Fair enough. Now, open your profile. Because there is sometimes a slight gap between what we expect from others… and what our profile photo actually makes us want to discover. Your main photo? A selfie taken at 11 p.m. in the bathroom mirror. Phone in front of half your face. White, interrogation-room lighting. Damp towel in the background. Laundry basket lurking nearby. And you wonder why no one says: “Wow. I absolutely need to get to know this man.” The problem may not be your body. The problem is your art director. You could sell a Porsche. If you photographed it covered in mud, under a garage neon light, wedged between two trash bins, it would be less appealing than a clean, shiny old 2CV photographed in the sun. The problem wasn’t the car. It was the presentation. And no, nobody is asking you to be a model, have abs, or pay a professional photographer. To create an attractive profile, sometimes all it takes is doing slightly better than choosing a random photo from your phone. Because everything communicates. The background behind you communicates. Your outfit communicates. Your posture communicates. The light communicates. The five identical selfies with sunglasses communicate. The headless torso communicates. The eight-year-old photo communicates. The unmade bed and the boxes behind it communicate too. Being authentic does not mean choosing the worst photo in your gallery. On an adult social network or a dating platform, a person is not only trying to know whether you’re “handsome” or “beautiful.” In a few seconds, they’re trying to imagine the person behind the profile. Would I want to have a drink with him? Does she seem funny? Does this couple seem warm? Does he take care of himself? Does their world appeal to me? Is there something that makes me want to send a first message? That may be where many people get it wrong. Because when people talk about desire, libertinage, fantasies or sexuality, some think they have to prove right away that they are sexually available. So they show a torso. A pseudo-sultry pose. A hotel room. A list of practices as long as a restaurant menu. Very good. But before knowing what you do in bed, many people would simply like to know whether they could sit through twenty minutes at a table with you. Sometimes you try so hard to be sexy that you forget to be human. A nice shirt. A natural smile. A terrace. A concert. A kitchen. A photo taken by someone else. A place you love. Something that tells a fragment of your life. Not to build a fake perfect character. To give context. And your bio deserves exactly the same treatment. “Nice guy, epicurean, open-minded, enjoys life.” Congratulations: you’ve just written the bio of half the dating profiles on the internet. Everyone enjoys life. On the other hand: “Perfect Sunday: market in the morning, bottle opened far too early, and 90s playlist way too loud.” Now there is someone behind the screen. Writing your profile well is not about writing a CV. Nor a catalog of sexual practices. Nor three words followed by “come and discover me.” A good bio should give people something to talk about. An anecdote. A taste. An obsession. A contradiction. Something the other person can respond to. Because a good profile does not only ask: “Do I appeal to you?” It mainly answers another question: “What on earth could I say to you?” So before concluding that women never reply, that couples are snobs, that men make no effort, or that online dating no longer works, do something a little uncomfortable. Look at your profile as if you were a complete stranger. Not with everything your friends know about you. Not with all the qualities you know you have. Only with what’s on the screen. Your photo. Your bio. Your world. What you actually make people want to discover. A big thank you to @DarkSweet, who agreed to take part until the very end and provide the photos for this article — including the intentionally much less flattering ones. Now ask yourself just one question. Would you write to yourself? #profilephoto #datingwebsite #onlinedating