Self-Judgment

Hello,

I wanted to write in the BDSM group, but I realize this topic may actually concern many people, not necessarily only those who practice BDSM.

Almost since the beginning of my D/s relationship, I have felt a certain shame after sessions. Shame about my desires, shame about my wants, shame about letting myself go, shame about daring to do what I practice. And I feel it even more when I sit down at my blog to write... Especially lately.

While during the session, I take immense pleasure, I am the one asking for it, even begging for it. I no longer think, I no longer feel any barriers, any rules other than Master's. I even break the prohibitions.

Master is even trying to plant a seed that, it seems, dies before it can grow, that I should be proud. Proud not only to express my desires but even to act on them. (Well, sometimes an order obliges me to.)

So over the past few days I seriously looked for the cause, and here is what my analysis came up with (chatgpt helped me a little). Master talks about facts, observations, and feelings when he discusses our sessions. As for me, I look at the sessions with harsh judgment and condemnation. As if BDSM were something unhealthy, bad, and abnormal.

However, judging my actions and myself was something I did every day about everything and anything. But I realized the work I had done with a hypnotherapist, and that in the end, this bad habit has almost disappeared.

It comes back from time to time, but much less, and remains persistent in BDSM. As if it were the last line of defense when it comes to the change requested and achieved over the past few years, and whose result I approve of.

Because, thanks to the work guided by the hypnotherapist, I recognize that I no longer judge myself, I live in the moment, and above all everything is going well in my life. To tell you that I have nothing left to sort out would be false, but the annoying little things no longer have as much of an impact as they used to.

In short, if I have managed it in other areas, there is no reason I can't manage it in BDSM (the last stronghold). If I am talking about it, it is because maybe you too feel shame after following certain desires or have a hard time owning them. I just want to tell you that you are not the only ones and that working on yourself can help you. You are welcome to share how you feel in the comments