DarkSweet: swinging as a couple, free to desire and say no

Seventeen years of love, three years of swinging and still the desire to surprise each other. Vicky and Adrien tell WishPride about the encounters, pleasure, hesitations and limits that shape their freedom as a couple.

A month after meeting online, Vicky and Adrien were already heading to the Ardèche gorges. Canoeing, a night under the stars, then, in their very first year together, a month traveling across Europe with Interrail. Seventeen capitals visited and memories that weren't just tourist sights: they say they made love in each of them.

The desire was therefore there long before the swingers parties.

Today, their life is also shared between the children, travel, board games and evenings with their friends “Muggles,” as they call them. Swinging hasn't replaced any of that. It has been added to it, at their own pace, with outings sometimes spaced months apart.

Behind the username @DarkSweet there is a couple who like to explore, but who don't claim to have understood everything on the first try. One meeting can be magical. Another can leave a less pleasant taste. And an evening that began with the desire to swing can ultimately take a very different turn.

Before the clubs, the ideas we make for ourselves

WishPride — Before you discovered it in Spain, what image did you have of swinging? What place did the norms around love and fidelity have in the way you saw things?

Vicky — We didn't necessarily have a bad image of swinging. We were above all very influenced by society's, somewhat Judeo-Christian, view, with this idea that it was wrong. So it wasn't really something we considered for our relationship.

We had tried once or twice at the very beginning of our relationship, but that had stayed in the past. We had our life as parents, I was very jealous for a long time, and then the two of us got along very well.

Around 40, something clicked, a bit like a midlife crisis. I wanted to try new things. That's when we started exploring BDSM, and then, a few years later, we went back to swinging.

WishPride — You place your real discovery three years ago, in Spain. How did the idea of a club night come up in your conversations? And what made you want to go back?

Vicky and Adrien — Before arriving in Spain, we were already expatriates in a country where swingers clubs were not allowed. We were living our BDSM as a couple, but we had started saying to ourselves: “You know, it could be interesting to meet other people.”

When we came to Spain to look for an apartment with the idea of settling there, we were both there, without the children. That was when we decided to go to a swingers club.

That evening really impressed us. The few experiences from the start of our relationship didn't really count in our eyes: for us, it was a first time.

Besides, we didn't do anything with any other couples that night. But we really loved the atmosphere, the people laughing, dancing, coming over to talk to us. That's what made us want to go back and keep exploring that world.

A successful evening isn't measured by the number of partners

That first memory already sets the tone. In their story, sexual encounters are not a must. Music, conversation and the ability to feel at ease are just as important.

WishPride — Today, what does the word “swinging” mean to you, beyond sexual encounters? What does a successful swingers night look like?

Vicky — For us, it is above all freedom: being able to be free and, above all, to feel at ease. You can come dressed however you want. I, for example, can wear tiny outfits, sometimes just a bodysuit, without being afraid of being constantly approached by men in an insistent or inappropriate way. I feel much more respect in these places.

It's being able to allow myself to feel beautiful, without fearing being bothered.

In fact, we mostly go to clubs to dance. I really love that, Adrien a little less, but he follows me, and it's really nice. Sometimes we spend an entire evening dancing and talking, without necessarily fooling around. And sometimes, we choose to fool around just the two of us, in a private space.

A successful evening is an evening where we've managed to let go, to forget the worries of everyday life for a few hours. It's being in the present moment and simply having fun.

WishPride — Vicky, you say swinging has taught you to love yourself and own who you are. What has other people's gaze changed in the way you see yourself? And what remains once you're back home?

Vicky — It starts with the outfits I can wear. I can put on super sexy clothes, do my makeup, do my hair. For me, the evening doesn't start when I walk into the club. It starts well before, when I choose my outfit, get ready and see Adrien looking at me with desire.

Then I love walking through that door and seeing handsome men, but also beautiful women, looking at me. It really gives me confidence. When you pass 40, you can tell yourself you're “past it,” that no one will want you anymore. In the end, these places allowed me to realize that yes, I am still desirable.

And once that pause is over, that energy stays with me for several days, several weeks. I feel beautiful, attractive, I smile. I also have much more libido after an evening, because something happened inside me: I felt really beautiful, really feminine.

“The evening doesn't start when I walk into the swingers club. It starts long before.”
— Vicky

With several people, with room for everyone

At Vicky's, other people's gaze feeds confidence. At Adrien's, the pleasure of seeing her blossom blends with a very precise desire: to be with her in the experience, not simply beside her.

WishPride — Adrien, you want to take part, not just watch Vicky enjoy herself with someone else. What do you like about this way of sharing her desire?

Adrien — What I like is the whole thing, it's the trio. Seeing that she's having pleasure with someone else, but with me too. My place is beside her, in the experience. Of course, there are moments when I watch her, but I really like participating.

We met several men during different evenings. We selected them carefully, it was caring, and I had my place just as much as they did, without any sense of competition.

There was still one time when it happened differently. We were in Spain, during another club outing, and I'd invited a man to join us. In the end, he took up all the space, leaving me a bit on the sidelines.

I didn't really like the experience. I could see Vicky was enjoying herself, so I let it happen. But in the end, she wasn't really enjoying it that much, because he was mostly thinking about himself. It wasn't a great experience for me, and not for her either. I would have liked us to have fun as three, simply.

At the time, we were really beginners. With the experience we have today, we would have known to say stop.

This less happy experience also has its place in their story. It highlights the gap that can exist between what one thinks one understands about the other's pleasure and what they are actually experiencing.

WishPride — How do you go from talking to seduction, then possibly to a shared moment? What makes you feel confident with the people you meet?

Vicky and Adrien — For us, having a game of seduction before taking action is essential. It starts with conversation, sometimes online, but above all over a drink, because the human side is important. That's when we see whether the connection is there.

At first, the exchanges are pretty basic. Then, little by little, the conversation veers off a bit. We talk about what we're doing there, the clubs we've already been to, our fantasies. And the game of seduction begins.

Finding a couple to share a moment with is still quite complicated for us. We need an intellectual attraction, but also a physical one, on both sides. And often it falls through because one of us likes the person, and the other doesn't.

Between us, we have our own codes. During a conversation, if we blink once, it means we like them. Twice means we really want to, it's hot. And if the feeling is mutual, we start cuddling.

It still takes paying attention to your partner, because you have to catch the winks. Otherwise, you might just think the other person has a speck of dust in their eye!

Consent, right down to the right to change your mind

The winks belong to their shared understanding. But there are also the more direct discussions: what each person wants, what remains difficult, what won't be for tonight. Vicky isn't telling a story of jealousy that vanished by magic. She's telling how she deals with it.

WishPride — Before an evening, how do you talk about your desires and your limits? How do you distinguish a fantasy you share from something you really want to experience?

Vicky — We say things very simply. We talk about what we want that evening, or not. It can be: “Tonight, I don't want a lone man to join us. If we do anything, it will be with a couple.” Or: “Tonight, I want to be tied to the cross, for you to dominate me, and for the others to watch me.”

The difference between a fantasy and something we truly want to live out is a rather difficult question. We try to listen to each other and take an interest in each other's fantasies.

For a very long time, I was very jealous and I didn't want another woman to join us. I'm not bisexual, women don't sexually attract me. So for a long time, we refused to have experiences with women alone.

And one day, I decided to watch Adrien make love with another woman. It was an experience I enjoyed, but I'm still a little jealous and we've never done it again.

Adrien really thanked me, it was very good for him. For me, it was very instructive about myself. I realized that I was jealous, but that in the end I wasn't that jealous. Watching them was quite beautiful. And meanwhile, there was also a man taking care of me. It was quite interesting.

WishPride — Adrien, you also told us about an evening when you no longer wanted to swing. How did you say it? And Vicky, how did you receive that “no,” even though you still wanted to carry on?

Adrien — I was already pretty tired. I'd had a very difficult week and we had drunk a little. We were talking with a group of several couples, and they started talking about how many times they made love. They said it was every day, even twice a day.

Vicky said we only did it once a week, and I found myself bombarded with questions: “But why don't you make love to her more? Don't you want this, that?” I found it very unpleasant, very unhealthy, almost as if they were trying to preach the right way.

I moved away from the group and Vicky joined me almost immediately. I told her: “Listen, they've upset me. I'm not feeling very well tonight, I want to go home.”

She told me okay, but that she still wanted to dance a little. So we danced, then left not too late.

We had respected each other. And in the end, the trip back was more than fine. In the car, my good mood came back. We stopped at a rest area and made love on the hood of the car, surrounded by trucks. It was a really exciting moment, almost better than fooling around in the club.

Vicky — I really wanted to fool around that night. But when Adrien said no, I tried to understand what was going on and he explained it to me. For me, I had to accept that no, accept that he no longer wanted to, without getting defensive.

He agreed that we could dance a little, so the evening still went very well. And in the end, we found desire elsewhere, differently. At first, I didn't want to leave, but I'm glad we did!

“I had to accept that no, accept that he no longer wanted to, without getting defensive.”
— Vicky

At the Happy, a surprise that didn't commit to anything

There are evenings that change direction, and there are those whose beginning one person prepares quietly. At the Happy, Adrien had imagined a surprise involving a man Vicky already liked a great deal. In his mind, preparing a meeting should not decide what she would do afterwards, however.

WishPride — Adrien, how did you prepare this surprise while clearly leaving open the possibility that nothing would happen?

Adrien — I organized that evening with this man without telling Vicky. I knew that this meeting matched one of her fantasies. We exchanged a lot on Telegram and I took the time to explain our rules to him.

There is in particular one rule that Vicky never breaks: oral sex is always with a condom, even when we're shown recent test results.

But above all, I had explained to him that on seeing him, she might not want to go any further. In that case, we'd simply have a drink, and he needed to be perfectly okay with that. That was really the first point to clarify.

I had also told him about the little domination session I wanted to do, because Vicky likes that. I'd planned several accessories, including riding crops and a blindfold. The idea was to gradually bring him into our play.

I had passed on to him the limits of Vicky that I already knew. And above all, he knew that it might not happen, or could stop at any moment during the evening. This man was very attentive, a true gentleman.

WishPride — Vicky, you run into him without knowing that Adrien invited him. Tell us about those first minutes, up to the moment you decide to kiss him. What makes this evening so precious?

Vicky — For a surprise, it really was one! We were at the Happy for a BDSM night. There was a one-hour munch just before, in another room. At one point, I went out to the bathroom and ran into him.

I already knew him. We'd exchanged on Tinder and I liked him a lot. We'd also bumped into him by chance at an erotic fair in Avignon. I had recognized him and the two of us had gone over to talk to him.

When I saw him at the Happy, I was speechless. I was bright red, my hands were shaking and I had a knot in my stomach. I immediately understood that Adrien was behind all this. We had already talked about my desire to have an experience with another man, especially with this man.

The three of us had a drink together. I didn't really know what to say, it was mostly the two of them talking. Adrien had asked me to wear a very beautiful outfit, a sheer bodysuit. I was both uncomfortable, excited and very impressed.

I knew a BDSM session was planned, since we'd come a bit for that, and I was wondering how it would all fit together. Then I went for it: I kissed him. I don't really remember, but I think he was talking and I cut him off!

The evening then continued with the BDSM session. They tied me to the cross and it was really very intense.

Even though we'd already had an experience with another man, which had not gone very well, for me it was like a first discovery. Afterwards, we did it again with other men and it was always very good, but that time, it was magical. It was with someone I had already been fantasizing about for some time.

It's still a very beautiful moment that Adrien gave me. He did it for me, and that's something wonderful.

Their BDSM: choosing to let themselves be guided

BDSM has been part of their intimacy since before this return to swinging. They also like experiencing it in clubs, sometimes just the two of them, under other people's gaze. Vicky, however, insists on distinguishing what she chooses in those moments from the person she is in everyday life.

WishPride — Vicky, you don't define yourself as submissive, but you like submitting to Adrien in certain moments. What do each of you like about this chosen play?

Vicky — What I like first is letting go, the fact of no longer having anything to decide.

I also like other people's gaze. When we do a session on a cross, it's often in an open room, with people watching us. Some people can be a little shocked, others really intrigued, and I like that mix of reactions.

I really like impacts. Feeling pain takes me to a greater letting go and, behind that, my orgasms are much more intense. But be careful, I'm not at all masochistic. Adrien knows my limits very well and I've very rarely needed to tell him stop or use the safeword, our stop word.

I like the collar, the gag, the riding crop impacts, but also the caresses and the ice cubes afterwards. It's all that mix that I like, the fact of letting myself be guided, without having to decide what comes next.

There's an alternation between pain, pleasure, a feeling of humiliation and pride. It's really the whole set of sensations that I like.

Adrien — What I like most is not so much domination in itself. I've always been attracted to BDSM, but I didn't really practice it for a long time. What I like is guiding Vicky, giving her pleasure by directing the play or introducing her to new practices. It always revolves around her pleasure.

I'm not saying I'm an expert in pleasure and that I could do that with any woman. With Vicky, we've been together for seventeen years, so I know her very well. With another woman, it might not work. Besides, I've never tried.

I like having her at my orders and above all seeing her push herself, exceed herself. That's where I take pleasure, while respecting her desire and her limits.

Discovering oneself through words too

After the encounters, there's what they choose to say about them. On WishPride, their two voices take different paths: Vicky readily returns to the experiences lived, while Adrien also makes room for his imagination.

WishPride — Why share this part of your life on WishPride? What do you want to convey, especially to couples wondering about swinging?

Adrien — We decided to join WishPride because the platform offered a slightly different vision. We didn't feel like we were just pieces of meat looking for the next couple to have sex with. There was a real place for words, for talking about our experiences, telling stories, writing beautiful posts. That's what we liked.

On other sites like Wyylde or FetLife, we felt more like it was focused on photos and hookups. Here, you can discover others through what they tell, and maybe also discover other ways of doing things.

It's often Vicky who tells our stories, while I like writing narratives that come from my imagination. We each post in our own way.

We're not experts and we don't claim to know everything. But by sharing our experiences, we can maybe inspire other couples or give them ideas.

Even if the platform is still young, we trust it and think it's going to be a very beautiful project. Thank you for existing!

Vicky and Adrien do not tell of a swinging life without hesitation, without jealousy or bad experiences. They tell of the one they are learning to live together: conversations that spark desire, encounters that matter, limits that are better expressed over time.

And, in the middle of it all, a dance floor where they can still spend the evening owing nothing to anyone.

At DarkSweet, the freedom to desire retains all its value because the freedom to say no also has its place.

#interview #libertinage #libertin #consentement