Stella Desircam Interview — Showing Yourself Without Giving It All Away
“I put on a show for them, yes, but I kept part of myself from them.”
1. Before the camera: feeling like I no longer existed
In Confessions of a Camgirl, a Venetian mask accompanies the first connections of @Stella_D . She fears being judged for her body. Yet, during her first private show, taking off the mask seems even harder than getting undressed. Showing her skin and letting people see her face don’t expose her in the same way.
Stella Desircam shares her experience of camming, live adult shows via webcam. Her book takes us inside the shows, but also into the thoughts of the woman performing them. We discover the pleasure of role-play, the work the screen doesn’t show, and unexpected confidences. In her answers, the same candor sits alongside insecurities, humor, and a refusal to accept just anything.
Our written exchange begins far from the camera, though. Before seeking to please strangers, Stella would have liked the people around her simply to take an interest in her day.
1. In your book, you write that people had stopped even asking how your day had gone. At that time, what would you have liked people to see in you?
At the time, I was desperately seeking recognition. I felt like I no longer existed. I had just left a demanding job with a lot of responsibility, where I crossed paths with dozens of people a day, and found myself plunged into total solitude. Yes, I looked after my children, but to the people around me, it was as if I was “doing nothing.”
Sure, I didn’t have office hours or a boss breathing down my neck, and I organized my days however I pleased, but that didn’t make me any less interesting! I would have loved a little help, a moment to catch my breath. I was there for everyone, available 24/7, but I had completely forgotten about myself. In short, I no longer existed.
An unexpected possibility presents itself on a different screen: that of a documentary. What strikes her about the camgirls she discovers isn’t just what they show. It’s the confidence with which they seem to do it.
2. What made you want to try camming, despite your fear of showing yourself?
It all started with a documentary. I was fascinated by these women’s confidence. They seemed so sure of themselves, so serene, completely at ease with their bodies and sexuality.
I took the plunge for three very specific reasons. A mystery to solve, this confidence—had they always had it, or had it developed over the course of their livestreams? An ego thing, could I still appeal to men? A personal challenge, to smash my shyness.
Let me tell you, I took the plunge without any certainty that I’d succeed… and scared stiff.
2. The mask, then the mirror
The book’s opening pages don’t describe a triumphant debut. Stella compares herself with other women, adjusts her outfit, and hesitates before going live. The mask lets her get started without giving up everything she still wants to keep to herself.
3. You write that, during your first private show, showing your face was harder than showing your body. What did the mask let you protect?
That mask was my shield. A shield I don’t need at all anymore! Not revealing my face was a way to keep a part of myself hidden. Members could see my expressions, but they couldn’t see me blush or give away how uncomfortable I was.
Showing my body wasn’t easy, but the mask protected me from direct attacks on my face. It was also my way of staying in control. I put on a show for them, yes, but I kept part of myself from them.
“I put on a show for them, yes, but I kept part of myself from them.”
By the end of the first private show described in the manuscript, another surprise emerges. Stella gave pleasure, but she also got pleasure from it. The discovery didn’t stay confined to that virtual one-on-one. She goes on to describe a change in the way she sees herself and dresses.
4. What changed in your intimate life once the camera was off?
Little by little, yes, camming transformed the way I looked at my body. Looking at myself in the mirror became less painful, and I finally felt at peace with my figure.
The result? I felt sexually liberated. The less ashamed I felt of my body, the less I wanted to hide it under yards of fabric. I became more feminine, more daring. My wardrobe underwent a real revolution. Goodbye shapeless leggings and XXL tunics; hello little dresses, delicate lingerie, and fitted skirts!
Looking in the mirror became less painful, but doubt didn’t disappear from every day. When no one booked a show, work and self-image became entangled again.
5. You say camming helped you love yourself, but also that days without shows could make you doubt your appearance. How did you experience that disconnect?
Days without shows are psychologically very hard. Self-doubt sets in immediately. You tell yourself you’re not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not desirable enough… At first, it was extremely unsettling. Over time, you learn to step back. You just have to remind yourself that it’s an “off” day, and tomorrow will be better.
3. A job you don’t see in full
No show doesn’t mean there’s nothing to do. In her answers, Stella lists everything that comes before and goes along with a livestream. This work is also one of the reasons she wanted to write Confessions of a Camgirl.
6. What did you want people to discover in Confessions of a Camgirl that they might not necessarily see when watching your shows?
I absolutely wanted to reveal what really goes on behind the scenes in this line of work. I’m so tired of the same old cliché: “Oh, come on, you just show your ass on live!” Spoiler alert: no! There’s a mountain of work behind a screen. You have to build your own world, grow your visibility, regularly shoot photos, come up with themed nights, do the decorating…
And when the livestream starts, patience becomes a virtue. You don’t jump straight into a private show! You have to keep the chat lively and entertain the members. I did it all, from music quizzes to pass the time, Truth or Dare, debates about current events, and conversations about their family lives. There’s a huge psychological component, with a lot of listening and empathy. So no, all those years, I wasn’t just showing my backside!
The manuscript also makes room for imagination. An entirely invented waiting room, a nurse or police officer character, an outfit and words tailored to the subscriber. Stella describes the pleasure she gets from stepping into these stories. Behind the performance, there’s also that way of playing with someone, of creating a moment just for them.
4. What they don’t dare say elsewhere
The behind-the-scenes stories she wants to tell aren’t only about her own work. She also focuses on the people she met. Some come to talk to her about a desire they can’t bring themselves to express at home. In her account, the fantasy is accompanied by another question: whether they can talk about it without feeling judged right away.
7. You bring readers into several scenarios. What did you want them to understand about the men who asked you for them?
I chose to describe my different shows to shatter the preconceptions about men who use these platforms. They’re not all former drooling perverts or “old dudes,” as I often hear. Most are men with steady jobs and perfectly ordinary family lives.
Many were simply looking to talk, get a kind, female perspective, or confide a fantasy they didn’t dare admit to their wives.
Among these encounters, Mr. B. had a different kind of request. In the book, this adult man asks her for a bedtime ritual, a story, or a lullaby. They agree clearly that there will be nothing sexual. Before seeing it as a need for comfort, Stella says she was wary.
8. What did your encounter with Mr. B. help you understand about the place you could have in a subscriber’s life?
Mr. B. was a huge surprise. The first time he asked, I was on my guard. I thought, “Careful, he’s going to pull a fast one on me, and I’ll have to ban and report him right away.” But actually… not at all! He simply needed to let go and be reassured so he could fall asleep peacefully.
That’s when I realized that some subscribers felt even worse about themselves than I did. They too were struggling with loneliness, fear, and insecurities.
The book doesn’t stop at what subscribers confide in her. It also lets us hear what they might not have seen: her hesitations, her discomfort, and the thoughts she kept to herself. Revisiting those moments stirred up more than memories of work.
9. At the beginning of the book, you’re very hard on yourself. What was it like to revisit those thoughts while writing?
Writing was no easy ride. It took me back to my old uncertainties and insecurities. But above all, it allowed me to put down on paper everything I’d kept buried inside me for years. In short, this book was the best therapy I could have had.
5. Listening doesn’t mean saying yes
The listening she describes doesn’t mean she accepts every request. In the manuscript, an entire chapter is devoted to the scenarios she turns down. Some boundaries have to do with her practices or values, others with how tired she is. Sometimes she even stops a show that’s already underway.
10. You write that “not everything is for sale.” How did you make people respect your boundaries, even when a show had already started?
I’ve always been uncompromising when it comes to my boundaries and values. I turned down countless requests that weren’t right for me. Usually, members accepted my decision without batting an eyelid, probably because I didn’t judge or make fun of them.
On rare occasions, things went off the rails and there was no room for discussion. Faced with a refusal, some became vile. When they’re offended, they attack where they think it’ll hurt. For me, it was easy—they went after my appearance. “Sperm whale,” “tuna,” “whale”… They had quite a marine poetic streak when they were offended! I blocked them immediately, and the platform banned their IP address.
She describes her refusals firmly and uses irony about the insults she received. But clients aren’t the only ones who apply pressure. In the book, a coordinator from another platform tries to push her to accept a practice under conditions she isn’t comfortable with. Stella says she left that site soon afterward.
11. What changes when the pressure comes from the platform itself?
When the pressure comes directly from the platform, it’s a whole different story. It clearly means that, to them, we’re nothing but fresh meat and cash. You should run for the hills from sites like that.
6. What a ban doesn’t solve
A platform can step in without always putting an end to what’s worrying her. In our first exchanges, Stella asked a question after some profiles were banned. “But where do they go after that?” Her answer first comes back to a very real fear: a man who wouldn’t leave her alone.
12. You told me some profiles had been banned, and then wondered what happened to them afterward. What continued to worry you?
You don’t ban someone over a simple misunderstanding. The profiles I reported showed real warning signs. I remember one member who became truly obsessed with me. He said in the chat that I was his wife and hurled abuse at all the men who booked shows with me. He genuinely frightened me. He stalked me across all my social media and kept creating new accounts by changing his IP. I feared for my safety.
With other profiles, the fear was different: I worried about knowing they were free to walk the streets. I dreaded that the deviant scenarios I refused to perform live might end up being imposed on someone in real life.
Here, Stella describes what she went through and what she feared. Her concern for other people remains a fear, not an account of acts she later learned had taken place. Even so, she doesn’t want to lump all clients in with those who frightened her. On the subject of regulating personalized requests, she wrote to me, “I’m not in favor of penalizing people who request personalized videos or images,” while also wanting penalties for requests she considers illegal.
Her answers combine this call for regulation with her own precautions. The limits of what she agrees to sell don’t stop at images. She also talks about the personal items people ask her to send.
13. You mention, in particular, refusing to send certain very personal items. What concerns you about these requests?
I remember a heated discussion with another content creator who couldn’t understand my categorical refusal to sell a used tampon, a lock of hair, or urine. But sending your DNA to a stranger online is no small thing! In this line of work, you always have to anticipate the worst-case scenario to protect your own safety.
This is about her own choices for protecting herself and her expectations, not a list of prohibitions under the law. The prevention measures she wants to promote also concern how the job is presented to women considering getting into it.
14. You say you want to bust the myth of “easy money.” What do you feel you need to speak out about, even if people don’t like hearing it?
What upsets people is that I’m busting the myth of “easy money.” We need to stop making young women believe they’ll become millionaires in three clicks from their bedroom. The people making fortunes are often those who already had a huge social media following or came from the porn industry, allowing them to set very high prices. But for most people, no, you don’t suddenly make €10,000 a month overnight. This mirage pushes vulnerable women to accept all kinds of things in an attempt to reach the astronomical figures they were promised.
I’m also exposing what goes on behind the scenes at erotic trade shows, where I saw young women who weren’t even given time to eat before being made to perform one session after another, or who were left to do private shows while completely drunk.
7. Not forgetting yourself, with or without a camera
After the invisible work, the unexpected exchanges, and the boundaries, Stella returns to a sentence that no longer needs a screen. The woman she’s speaking to may recognize herself in Stella’s former loneliness without wanting to do the same job. What she wants to pass on connects back to the beginning of the interview, to the time when she was there for everyone but herself.
15. What would you like to convey through this book to a woman who recognizes herself in your life before, but has no desire to become a camgirl?
I’d simply tell her, “Don’t forget yourself.” Your happiness and fulfillment are up to you alone.
Listen to yourself, do what makes you feel alive, find an activity that makes you feel valued and helps you grow. You hold all the cards; now it’s up to you to play your hand and set the rules!
The mask she once called her shield is no longer necessary, she says. Her boundaries, on the other hand, are still there. Confessions of a Camgirl reveals something beyond the show: a woman who found pleasure in showing herself, who talks about what it cost her and what it gave her, and who insists on deciding what she gives.
Discover her writing
In Confessions of a Camgirl, Stella tells the story of her first connections, the scenarios, the subscribers, and the risks of her work, as well as her personal growth. The book lets readers follow her thoughts in more depth and enter the scenes she chose to recount.
On WishPride, continue exploring this topic through other personal stories and join the conversation at your own pace.
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